The Burning Gnome.

Here it is kiddies, the first installment of the Feces Files. I warn you, this is not an article for the wayward sufferer, or enjoyer, of Coprophagia. There will not be any actual photos of the big job on this site. This is a way for me to write about poopus in a public and open way and see how many folks hate or love the stupidity spilling from my fingers. So let's get to it, shall we?


A BURNING GNOME
(standing in a field of acorns)

What is the Burning Gnome? That is the first thing that may have crossed your mind when you read the header. Did someone misspell the title of a William Gibson novel, or just spin it for their own benefit, kind of like that movie Transmorphers that came out around the time of the Transformers debut? No, the Burning Gnome is named this for two very simple reasons. One, it burns like a curry enema and two, it ends up all pointy, like a gnome hat.
If you are a devotee of Mexican, Indian, or Thai food as I am and you also hold close a love for moderately priced booze, you have suffered through a Gnome of your own.

Ah yes, the late nights. Out burning the candle at three or four ends. Drinking until the wee hours and making the decision that White Castle or Taco Bell would just hit the spot and don't forget the hot sauce. Maybe you spent your weekend forgetting who you are at a Texican boarder retreat. Why not a few Prairie Fires to kick off a late night bender? Well you can pay for that the next day my friends. You will poop a gnome. Not just any gnome, not even David the Gnome, (voiced by Tom Bosley of Happy Days fame) but a Burning Gnome. It will sear like the Sterquilinus himself was crawling from your colon wearing a red pepper suit.

I have to say that the Gnome is a drinkers poop and we are saddened, yet proud of it when it comes to pass. I could talk all day about the smell, not unlike putting 200,000 volts through an old rubber shoe that someone has filled with sewage, sandlewood and Satan but that would just be crass and this is an informative blog.

At any rate thank you for reading, hope you got a giggle or two from this.

Up next: The world famous Buzzer Beater.